Sam Leitch Loyal

A friend at the BBC tells me that Alba have been trying to arrange to show show next Wednesday's game live.

Listen out for the guy at Dumbarton who still bawls such offending material, (He looks like Mr Punch.) When I covered games there my fellow journos and I had "bingo cards" of his phrases to mark every game. His absolute favourite - and it appears EVERY game at some point - is "Wherr wur yoo whin thi brains wurr haunded oot?" Wish I could remember his name. It'll come to me. FRASER - that's it!! (PS: On the subject of naughty words, we could run a competition to find out who has seen Fergie of the Accies ejected most times. [Younger fans, ask yer da.] At Fir Park the polis used to lead him past the home fans just for the fun of it.)

Continuing ill-health means I won't be able to go , therefore I am offering my ticket here for exactly what it cost me. Ticket is a CONCESSION for the East Stand. Price (including "signed for" delivery) is £8.00 Payment by Paypal - PM me for details if interested. As the sign says at the reception desk of my local brothel: "First served, first come."

Not so, mon ami, according to the Dumbarton website: "The manager reports that he has a fully fit squad to choose from, including captain Andy Graham. Striker Jim Lister will serve a one match suspension next Saturday vs Morton but is available for tomorrow's game. Trialist Robbie Winters who featured in last Saturday's 2-2 draw with Cowdenbeath may also be included."

Meant to ask - anyone got a spare ticket for the Nick Cave gig at the Barrowlands?

Great googly moogly - I like the new David Bowie album.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/video/2013/mar/07/waterlogged-pitch-kazakhstan-corner-video

Dumbarton's supporters' bus has been cancelled due to lack of interest. (True.)

Had to resurrect this thread after reading this morning about North Korea's leading female marathon runner: Kim Kum Ok.

Continuing the place-name connection, WWF Scotland has a spokesman called Lang Banks. At skool I had a woodwork teacher called Mr Wood. One for the musically cultured among you: on his first solo tour of Japan posters all over the country advertised concerts by that well-known ex-Yes keyboardist Rock Wankman. Finally, in Paisley I here the wummin give all their weans the same first name. They know to whom she is referring as she just calls each one by his or her surname.

My local hostelry had a married couple working therein whose first names were Ailsa and Craig.

Don't you all know that Partick Thistle is an anagram of "pessimism"?

Every managerial vacancy report contains the words "Phil Brown has thrown his hat into the ring".

I was hoping to wake up to Lucy Liu cavorting on my bed in a leather mini-skirt (and nothing else) but this result is even better.

Is she still alive?????

Just got a Windows 8 (not by choice) laptop and installed Sopcast. When I try to open a stream I'm told "Unknown error, check network connection." I've checked Windows Defender (firewall) and set it to allow Sopcast to run private and public. I've also permitted access via Zone Alarm as well as running the diagnostic on Sopcast's start-up screen which says everything is ok. Any thought, advice, or help would be gratefully received. Many thanks.

Hi guys. Those of you who pay attention may have noticed my absence in recent weeks/months. All due to a "specialist" changing one of my medications and me having a severe reaction to it. (My laptop dying didn't help either.) Well, tomorrow I'm going for the (hopefully) all-clear to return to the serious things in life: PTFC, alkyhol, and the Woody barmaid. Back in my seat on Saturday? All those around me will be delighted, no doubt. Now, why isn't the "return" key working???

My favourite wummin was the one in the Land of Waifs and Strays who sued Walmart after she fell over a disgustin, ill-behaved, brat in one of their stores. The disgusting, ill-behaved brat was her own. As for trolleys left in the aisle: wait until the "owner" has turned away and quickly push it down another aisle. And what about wimmin who think that the check-out assistant is only there for them to chat to. Honestly, you can have hours of abusive fun in a supermarket when you have Asperger's Syndrome.

If God had intended you to sit in pubs then He wouldn't have made the bars the height He did.

Yes you can but whether the powers-that-be would let you is another matter. There is also the waste ground facing on the other side from the stand (no, not the town centre) which is often used as a viewing platform. Might be stewarded or policed on this occasion, though.

As I said on a thread elsewhere, you can make sure of a seat at the last game of the season by booking hospitality now at £49 per head. Or, if you're the barmaid in the Woody, you can flicker your eyelashes at me.

http://www.dumbartonfootballclub.com/news/?mode=view&id=4255

I'm just wondering if there are (still) plans to play at Cowdung this weekend if they get humped out the Scottish. Would be just our luck with the trains being off and that, ye know, by the way.

Ach, stop moanin' and get ye to the Tower Bar. Most places look good after there. (Oh - they've Jags' stuff on the walls.)