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Donald Trump .... What's That All About?


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Full transcript of Trump's interview with S.I.T.B. (Remember, if you enjoy this there are gems like this in each and every issue)

 

Donald Trump; Celebrity Thistle Fan(NY)

 

“Hi Donald, thanks for giving SITB a few moments of your time. Is it true you are thinking of investing in Partick Thistle?”

“Well, David I’ve been looking to invest in a club for a while and Patrick seem to be the right fit for me.”

“It’s Partick, not Patrick”

“No, I’m pretty sure it’s Patrick, I’ve had my closest advisors on this; these guys advise me on my foreign policies, speeches and are running my Presidential campaign, so I’m pretty sure it’s Patrick!”

“ Well, I’ve had my Father, my fellow Thistle fans and whole of Scotland on this I’m sure it’s Partick and not only that; it’s Thistle not Partick we call it!”

“That’s very interesting David, I will take this back to my team but hey Edinburoo is a great town though and I’m looking forward to watching Thistle as you put it, there.”

“Well, you won’t see them too much there as we come fae Glasgow”

“ Glasgow, are you sure David, I’ve had my closest advisors on this; these guys advise me on my foreign policies, speeches and are running my Presidential campaign, so I’m pretty sure it’s in Edinburoo.”

“Listen Donald I come from Glasgow and go to Firhill to see Thistle all the time and I know it’s in Glasgow and anyway it’s Edinburgh no ‘buroo’”

Slight pause. “Okay, David let’s start talking about what I can do for Patrick, sorry Partick.”

“You mean, Thistle. You could invest in the team but we need to develop our South Stand as there’s just an ugly bare hill, we call the Bing there.”

“I’ve been reading up in European soccer and some of the hooligan problems and in fact I read about some of the problems with Hamilton fans the other week and I saw pictures of that pitch invasion in the recent Scotland Poland game. I’ve decided I’m going to be quite pragmatic just like my plan for the U.S. / Mexican border I’m going to build a huge wall around the pitch.”

“Yeah, but how will fans see the game?”

“Obviously David we’ll just build the stands higher”

“Out of interest Donald, who are you going to employ to build the great Wall of Mexico?”

“Well, David I’m obviously going to build it on the Mexican side of the border and get cheap Hispanic labour to build it.”

“So the people who are going to build it, are the people who are going to be stopped from coming over it?”

“Precisely David, it’s genius don’t ya think?”

“Oh, it’s definitely something. So Donald, don’t you like Hispanic people?”

“Oh no David, I like plenty of Hispanic people, in fact some of favourite servants come from Mexico and further afield. This is just a political ploy of giving people what they think they want. A little bit of scaremongering always goes down well; after all, isn’t that how you Scots lost the referendum; playing on people’s fears.”

“Yeah, I guess so. So how is Ivana, these days?”

“Well I don’t see that much of her since she fleeced me in the divorce a few years ago, she was a very hard woman to please, if you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, my mate Fritz used to go out with an Eastern European girl called Ivana Hump. He took many a wee blue pill around about that time and he’s still rattles a wee bit now with the effects. Anyway, Donald would you continue with Alan Archibald in charge?

“Who’s he David?”

“The Manager of the team you’re thinking of investing in.”

“Oh right, well David. To quote my programme The Apprentice, my first words to Alan would be “You’re Fired””

“Why?”

“I‘ve been talking to a lot of soccer people in England about Scottish football and I’ve made a few connections and I formed some close friendships and I’ll be putting my own man in charge.”

“Who would that be?”

“Well, David he’s had a lot of experience in management in Scotland and abroad as well as having a successful playing career. Do you know of Jimmy Calderwood?”

“Jimmy Feckin’ Calderwood are you shitting me Donald?”

“No, David and I’m a bit surprised at your reaction but given the Patrick will be my team I don’t really think it matters what one guy thinks . . . unless it’s me of course.”

“Donald, did you know we’ve started giving storms in the UK names and there’s one that’s been named after you already?

“Storm Donald that sounds good.”

“Naw, Hurricane Bawb*g, ya Bawb*g. Noo Feck off and stay the feck away fae Firhill and Glasgow ya Fannie!”

Call Terminated.

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Full transcript of Trump's interview with S.I.T.B. (Remember, if you enjoy this there are gems like this in each and every issue)

 

Donald Trump; Celebrity Thistle Fan(NY)

 

“Hi Donald, thanks for giving SITB a few moments of your time. Is it true you are thinking of investing in Partick Thistle?”

“Well, David I’ve been looking to invest in a club for a while and Patrick seem to be the right fit for me.”

“It’s Partick, not Patrick”

“No, I’m pretty sure it’s Patrick, I’ve had my closest advisors on this; these guys advise me on my foreign policies, speeches and are running my Presidential campaign, so I’m pretty sure it’s Patrick!”

“ Well, I’ve had my Father, my fellow Thistle fans and whole of Scotland on this I’m sure it’s Partick and not only that; it’s Thistle not Partick we call it!”

“That’s very interesting David, I will take this back to my team but hey Edinburoo is a great town though and I’m looking forward to watching Thistle as you put it, there.”

“Well, you won’t see them too much there as we come fae Glasgow”

“ Glasgow, are you sure David, I’ve had my closest advisors on this; these guys advise me on my foreign policies, speeches and are running my Presidential campaign, so I’m pretty sure it’s in Edinburoo.”

“Listen Donald I come from Glasgow and go to Firhill to see Thistle all the time and I know it’s in Glasgow and anyway it’s Edinburgh no ‘buroo’”

Slight pause. “Okay, David let’s start talking about what I can do for Patrick, sorry Partick.”

“You mean, Thistle. You could invest in the team but we need to develop our South Stand as there’s just an ugly bare hill, we call the Bing there.”

“I’ve been reading up in European soccer and some of the hooligan problems and in fact I read about some of the problems with Hamilton fans the other week and I saw pictures of that pitch invasion in the recent Scotland Poland game. I’ve decided I’m going to be quite pragmatic just like my plan for the U.S. / Mexican border I’m going to build a huge wall around the pitch.”

“Yeah, but how will fans see the game?”

“Obviously David we’ll just build the stands higher”

“Out of interest Donald, who are you going to employ to build the great Wall of Mexico?”

“Well, David I’m obviously going to build it on the Mexican side of the border and get cheap Hispanic labour to build it.”

“So the people who are going to build it, are the people who are going to be stopped from coming over it?”

“Precisely David, it’s genius don’t ya think?”

“Oh, it’s definitely something. So Donald, don’t you like Hispanic people?”

“Oh no David, I like plenty of Hispanic people, in fact some of favourite servants come from Mexico and further afield. This is just a political ploy of giving people what they think they want. A little bit of scaremongering always goes down well; after all, isn’t that how you Scots lost the referendum; playing on people’s fears.”

“Yeah, I guess so. So how is Ivana, these days?”

“Well I don’t see that much of her since she fleeced me in the divorce a few years ago, she was a very hard woman to please, if you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, my mate Fritz used to go out with an Eastern European girl called Ivana Hump. He took many a wee blue pill around about that time and he’s still rattles a wee bit now with the effects. Anyway, Donald would you continue with Alan Archibald in charge?

“Who’s he David?”

“The Manager of the team you’re thinking of investing in.”

“Oh right, well David. To quote my programme The Apprentice, my first words to Alan would be “You’re Fired””

“Why?”

“I‘ve been talking to a lot of soccer people in England about Scottish football and I’ve made a few connections and I formed some close friendships and I’ll be putting my own man in charge.”

“Who would that be?”

“Well, David he’s had a lot of experience in management in Scotland and abroad as well as having a successful playing career. Do you know of Jimmy Calderwood?”

“Jimmy Feckin’ Calderwood are you shitting me Donald?”

“No, David and I’m a bit surprised at your reaction but given the Patrick will be my team I don’t really think it matters what one guy thinks . . . unless it’s me of course.”

“Donald, did you know we’ve started giving storms in the UK names and there’s one that’s been named after you already?

“Storm Donald that sounds good.”

“Naw, Hurricane Bawb*g, ya Bawb*g. Noo Feck off and stay the feck away fae Firhill and Glasgow ya Fannie!”

Call Terminated.

 

:clapping:

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