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God calls For Freddie Mercury to come and see him. Freddie duly arrives and asks why he has been called. God says "Freddie you were a great entertainer when you were down there and up here you have been great so i am going to send you back down". " What do i do says Freddie. Well said God you have to choose who you want to be. Freddie replies instantly i want to be Robert Green. Why him asks God. Freddie says " I'd have 10 a*******s in front of me, 50,000 a*******s behind me and i wont be able to catch anything

Edited by Jaggyman

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My job is so f*****g unbelievable.

 

I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

 

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

 

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts.I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

 

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the f*****g stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22.He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big f*****g dog to work. Every f*****g day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing.

 

Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single f*****g day. Anyway, I drive these f***tards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

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My job is so f*****g unbelievable.

 

I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

 

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

 

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts.I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

 

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the f*****g stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22.He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big f*****g dog to work. Every f*****g day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing.

 

Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single f*****g day. Anyway, I drive these f***tards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

:D;)

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If anyone in the North East knows the whereabouts of gunman Raoul Moat. Can you please tell him Nacho Novo also [email protected] his burd.

Haven't seen this posted elsewhere...

 

Dear Mr Moat,

 

It has come to my attention that John Terry has been shagging your missus behind your back whilst you were in jail.

 

 

Yours Sincerely,

Wayne Bridge

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"Doctor doctor, I think I might have malaria."

 

"Right Miss Cole, I'm going to have to see your vagina."

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I just hit the 'panic' button on Facebook and Paul Gascoigne appeared at my door with a fishing rod, a chicken sandwich and a can of lager.

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The Local Rothbury Brewery have brought out a commemerative Beer. Raoul Moat Ale, it is a bit frothy so you have to blow your head off.

Edited by 231071

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Gregg's have brought out a commemerative Pastie. It is thick, meaty with a hint of ginger.

 

 

Only 49p for a Sausage Raoul

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Slim Attractive 19 year old blonde, GSOH, is looking for a strong, ginger, muscular hunk with a jealous nature and a short fuse who enjoys Camping and writting long letters.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If this sounds like you email to [email protected]

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A man came down with the flu and was forced to stay home one day. He was glad for the interlude because it taught him how much his wife loved him. She was so thrilled to have him around that when a delivery man or the mailman arrived, she ran out and yelled,"My husband's home! My husband's home!"

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Two lawyers were standing outside the High Court and saw a beautiful model walking towards them.

 

"What a stunner," one said, "I'd sure like to screw her!"

 

"Really?" the other responded, "Out of what?"

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Woman: Can I get Viagra here?

Pharmacist: Yes.

Woman: Can I get it over the counter?

Pharmacist: If you give me two of them, you can!!

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A Geordie goes into an Amsterdam brothel and hands the Madam five hundred dollars. He says, "I want your ugliest woman and two bottles of Newcastle Brown Ale." The Madam says, "For that kind of money, you could have one of my finest girls to suck and f**k all night." The Geordie says, "I'm not horny, pet, just homesick."

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1990 Italy

1996 England

2010 Rothbury

 

What is it with Gazza and shoot outs that end in tears?

 

 

Italia 90, Euro 96, Rothsbury 2010. Everytime Gazza's involved in a shootout it always ends in tears.

:rolleyes:

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