crazy davie Posted January 22, 2011 Report Share Posted January 22, 2011 A Catholic priest is visiting his rabbi friend, and they go out for a walk. It's a hot summer day, so they decide to swim naked in a river in a secluded spot. But some locals happen to pass by, surprising the two bathers. The embarrassed priest immediately covers his willie with his hands, and the embarrassed rabbi covers his face. When the passers-by have gone, the priest asks the rabbi why he covered his face. "Well," he replied, "around here you get recognized by your face." I don't get it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thornwoodjag Posted January 22, 2011 Report Share Posted January 22, 2011 i was about to go to a fancy dress party as a can of deoderant. the wife stopped me and said "are you sure" STRAIGHT FROM SICKIPEDIA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoda-jag Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 Elton John was changing the nappy of his new son and he turned to his husband and said "He reminds me so much of you David". David says "Why, is it his cheeky little smile?". "No" says Elton. David asks "Is it his cute little nose?". "No, it's not that" says Elton. David says "It must be the colour of his eyes then". "No" says Elton, "he's got shit on his dick". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazy davie Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 Elton is to divorce David since he found out that David has been having sex behnd his back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoda-jag Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 Just bought FIFA 12 for the PS3. It's great, so realistic. When the Mrs picks the controller up, Andy Gray shouts ..... "Get back in the fckin kitchen!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rid Skwerr Posted January 25, 2011 Report Share Posted January 25, 2011 Sexism in football: Bit of a Gray area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Willjag Posted January 26, 2011 Members Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Got stopped in the street outside 'boots' today by a woman with a clipboard asking what grooming products I use? You should have seen her face when I said " Facebook, Haribo sweets and puppies." Husband says to wife: ‘My Olympic condoms have arrived – I think I’ll wear gold tonight’ . Wife says: ‘Why don’t you wear silver and come second for a change?’ A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's' mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the turkey did?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rid Skwerr Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Sian Massey has been given a new nickname- Just For Men Use once, and the Gray is gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thornwoodjag Posted January 27, 2011 Report Share Posted January 27, 2011 what does roy walker say while making love to his sister? "its good.............but its not right" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoda-jag Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 Booked a table for Valentines night for me and Princess Leia....... I can see it ending in tears though........ She's hopeless at snooker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ACAB Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 What do you call a three foot high Jamaican gangster? A Yardie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rid Skwerr Posted January 31, 2011 Report Share Posted January 31, 2011 Fernando Torres' transfer to Chelsea is in the balance, as John Terry can't agree personal terms with Torres' wife! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazy davie Posted January 31, 2011 Report Share Posted January 31, 2011 Fernando Torres' transfer to Chelsea is in the balance, as John Terry can't agree personal terms with Torres' wife! You made that up yourself, didn't you ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rid Skwerr Posted January 31, 2011 Report Share Posted January 31, 2011 You made that up yourself, didn't you ? Nope - knicked it from Sickipedia.... If you liked that one I can get some more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoda-jag Posted January 31, 2011 Report Share Posted January 31, 2011 Nope - knicked it from Sickipedia.... If you liked that one I can get some more. Do, please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rid Skwerr Posted January 31, 2011 Report Share Posted January 31, 2011 Try this one - Thought Spurs had signed a new right-back, but it turned out to be Hutton dressed as Lahm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoda-jag Posted January 31, 2011 Report Share Posted January 31, 2011 You can do better RS. While you come up with one....... Alex Ferguson has categorically denied that Manchester United are selling Howard Webb. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kni Posted January 31, 2011 Report Share Posted January 31, 2011 STV have announced a new property show targeted at Clyde fans. It's called Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, Relocation... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kni Posted February 1, 2011 Report Share Posted February 1, 2011 Little Johnny got kicked out of class today! The teacher asked him, "If I gave you £20 and you paid £5 to Joanne, £5 to Jane and £5 to Katie, what would you have?" Apparently, "Three blowjobs and enough left for a kebab," was the wrong answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kni Posted February 1, 2011 Report Share Posted February 1, 2011 An elephant walks into a pub and says, "Very large scotch please, barman." "You again!" says the bar man. "Why do you drink so much?" The elephant replies, "I do it to forget." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kni Posted February 1, 2011 Report Share Posted February 1, 2011 An elderly couple met for sex in the broom closet at the nursing home. They undressed and were about to get it on when the elderly woman decided to warn the man of her heart condition. "I should tell you, I have acute angina" she said. The man replied, "that's good because you have the ugliest breasts I ever seen!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kni Posted February 1, 2011 Report Share Posted February 1, 2011 The husband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. She goes ballistic, "You impotent *******! How could you lie to me all these years?" Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asylum Resident Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 Necrophilia. Why should death get in the way of true love ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lionel J. Botch Posted February 6, 2011 Report Share Posted February 6, 2011 The Egyptian government have come up with a plan to try to stop the riots in Cairo. They are asking that all citizens get in their cars, honk the horn and chill out. They’re calling it Toot-n-kalm-doon! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr.D Posted February 6, 2011 Report Share Posted February 6, 2011 Neil Lennon has been selected for the Manager of the Month Award. However Celtic FC arreappealing against it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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