yoda-jag Posted July 27, 2012 Report Share Posted July 27, 2012 I am very disappointed because I wanted serious discussions about the association football rules. :shocked: :shocked: :shocked: We were being serious !!!.... the one coming up with keech, you seem to be. The following is my mail to FIFA: <snipped> Looks like Joseph Sepps' out a job next week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twinny Posted July 27, 2012 Report Share Posted July 27, 2012 Why? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jagsfan58 Posted July 27, 2012 Report Share Posted July 27, 2012 One area that need to be addressed is the Man of the Match award. We have all sat through the announcement and thought.. .'are you havin a laugh'.. so as well as rule changes to help referees and assisant referees there should be a change to help those charged with picking the man of the match. If we have a points system..and what do points make... prizes.. yes prizes.. so when a player does something good.. he gets a big cuddly toy... to carry around the pitch during the game.. Now if a player is lugging around a 3 lions (5 points each) , 2 giraffes (3 points each) and a teddy (1 point - an.. aye not bad but not sure he meant is award) and the rest of the team is empty handed.. it has to be a clue FFS than he is more deserving than some diddy running around empty handed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lionel J. Botch Posted July 27, 2012 Report Share Posted July 27, 2012 The football pitch size should be: Goal line -- 68m Touch line -- 105m Centre circle -- 10m radius Corner -- 1m and 10m radius Goal area -- abolition Goal -- 8m*2.5m Penalty Area -- 41m*17m PK spot -- 12m from the goal line PK arc -- 10m radius It is listed as metric as well in the laws of the game and there is no standard size of playing area, just minimum and maximum sizes. Go and get a copy. Pretty sure it is rule 1 of the laws of the game. Now please, wheesht! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McKennan Posted July 27, 2012 Report Share Posted July 27, 2012 I'd suggest ancient Egyptian cubits be used. The referees understand them better than the rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jags on tour Posted July 27, 2012 Report Share Posted July 27, 2012 its hard enough trying to score a pen from 12 yards, never mind 12 metres! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twinny Posted July 27, 2012 Report Share Posted July 27, 2012 its hard enough trying to score a pen from 12 yards, never mind 12 metres! In Germany they call a penalty an "Elf Meter" or "Eleven Metres". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaggy Posted July 27, 2012 Report Share Posted July 27, 2012 Funniest thread in ages!! Sigesige doesn't half talk pish, but this thread has been brilliant :-)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaggernaut Posted July 27, 2012 Report Share Posted July 27, 2012 In Germany they call a penalty an "Elf Meter" or "Eleven Metres". I always thought they were measuring the smaller players on the pitch! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exiled AusJag Posted July 27, 2012 Report Share Posted July 27, 2012 (edited) All players (match officials included) to consume a minimum of 4 pints of either lager or heavy (minimum 4%) prior to kick off. If the scores are level at half time, all players and match officials to drink 6 cans of Tennents before the second half gets underway; this to be done under supervision to ensure players and refs don't leave part-empty cans. If the scores remain tied at full time, 30 minutes of extra time to be played with no substitutes allowed to enter the field of play. However, before play commences, each player and match official to consume 6 cans of Special Brew, unless they have medical exemption, in which case they have to consume a bottle and a half of either Buckfast or an equivalent brand of scud: eg Lanny or Four Crown. The game ends when any player boaks up on the field of play and not one of the designated boak areas (four strategically positioned troughs adjacent to the shy lines on either side of the park). Said player to receive an automatic red card and an additional 9pm curfew order, signed by a Sheriff. If the ref boaks up on the field of play, match to be replayed within 24 hours with no personnel changes permitted. To prevent injuries, once the coin has been tossed, ends chosen and nets checked, then the drinking starts with no running. The teams won't be allowed any substitutions, but the 4th offficila can take over from the ref. assistant referees only need to drink half quantities. To prevent injuries, once the coin has been tossed, ends chosen and nets checked, then the drinking starts with no running. The teams won't be allowed any substitutions, but the 4th offficila can take over from the ref. assistant referees only need to drink half quantities. One area that need to be addressed is the Man of the Match award. We have all sat through the announcement and thought.. .'are you havin a laugh'.. so as well as rule changes to help referees and assisant referees there should be a change to help those charged with picking the man of the match. If we have a points system..and what do points make... prizes.. yes prizes.. so when a player does something good.. he gets a big cuddly toy... to carry around the pitch during the game.. Now if a player is lugging around a 3 lions (5 points each) , 2 giraffes (3 points each) and a teddy (1 point - an.. aye not bad but not sure he meant is award) and the rest of the team is empty handed.. it has to be a clue FFS than he is more deserving than some diddy running around empty handed. Believe it or not, as a referee I have to pick the 3 best and fairest from each game I ref and submit it to the federation for the player of the the league at the end of the season Edited July 27, 2012 by Exiled AusJag Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chunky jag Posted July 27, 2012 Report Share Posted July 27, 2012 (edited) The winning manager gets to pump the losing managers wife on the full time whistle, out in the centre circle? Would really liven up the technical areas during a game. Even Stevie "I'm too pished from last night to care so I'm leaning against the dug-out hung over to fcuk!" Paterson would be a livewire on the touchline if he thought his missus was about to get banged by Jaggy Mac!! There should be valves in the turf, spaced evenly apart up the touchline, which are randomnly proggrammed to throw flames up into the sky. Will make the linesmans job that wee bit more exciting, and if a linesman is caught up in flames, the team shooting into his end plays with no offsides for rest of game? Edited July 27, 2012 by chunky jag Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norgethistle Posted July 27, 2012 Report Share Posted July 27, 2012 When the game is level at full time, extra time should be played with the 1st 15minute half the players having to wear 1 football boot and 1 clown shoe, 2nd half will be played to a finish with the players having to don home knitted balaclavas and the standard size 5 football being replaced by a medicine ball. Water breaks to be punishable with a red card in extra time period Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam Leitch Loyal Posted July 27, 2012 Report Share Posted July 27, 2012 All players to wear a blindfold. Ball to be replaced by a cat wearing a bell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandy Posted July 27, 2012 Report Share Posted July 27, 2012 Sigesige, dont be disappointed. There are many very serious suggestions within this thread: Ewok substitutes Cats with bells Jumpers for goalposts Electrified gloves You should consider sending these to FIFA, they will like them very much and reward you with 5 more match-shirts to add to your collection. Then you can easily outdo the referees who will only be wearing 72 taps! Keep up the nonsense, mate; you are a natural born entertainer. Thistle are priviledged to have your services at our disposal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackpool Jags Posted July 28, 2012 Report Share Posted July 28, 2012 Sigesige, dont be disappointed. There are many very serious suggestions within this thread: Ewok substitutes Cats with bells Jumpers for goalposts Electrified gloves You should consider sending these to FIFA, they will like them very much and reward you with 5 more match-shirts to add to your collection. Then you can easily outdo the referees who will only be wearing 72 taps! Keep up the nonsense, mate; you are a natural born entertainer. Thistle are priviledged to have your services at our disposal. Sandy, help me out here: are these replacements for online stir-fry enthusiasts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandy Posted July 28, 2012 Report Share Posted July 28, 2012 Sandy, help me out here: are these replacements for online stir-fry enthusiasts? Good point, BJ. Perhaps we could still allow online stir-fry activities for the Cup games and keep Yoda Jags Ewok subs for the league? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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