Things That Bug Me.

[Rid Skwerr]

Brilliant. I'm getting strange looks in the office for laughing at these.

...he got some strange looks when he came out with them...

 

Glad you're enjoying them - have some more ....

 

61. You never know where he is on the intercom.

62. I haven't heard anything in black or white.

63. Secretary picketing.

64. When he gets on his so called morale fibres.

65. That's the problem for it.

66. It's stand-up procedures to do it that way.

67. We don't want to go into this full scale ahead.

68. We don't want it the way we never had it before.

69. I was just the pig in the poke.

70. I don't want to get this right.

71. At least he's not been shouting down our throats.

72. The writing is on the cards.

73. The computer was snowballed under with work.

74. The workload should be tailoring off.

75. The steel men are out on picket.

76. Off the top of your boiler.

77. You've got to live and learn with it.

78. On its own isolation

79. I wish them a Happy New Year every Christmas.

80. We all get tarred with the wild brush.

 

For No. 63 read "secondary" picketing

(one only our older trade unionists will remember, I fear)

[Blackpool Jags]

...he got some strange looks when he came out with them...

 

Glad you're enjoying them - have some more ....

 

61. You never know where he is on the intercom.

62. I haven't heard anything in black or white.

63. Secretary picketing.

64. When he gets on his so called morale fibres.

65. That's the problem for it.

66. It's stand-up procedures to do it that way.

67. We don't want to go into this full scale ahead.

68. We don't want it the way we never had it before.

69. I was just the pig in the poke.

70. I don't want to get this right.

71. At least he's not been shouting down our throats.

72. The writing is on the cards.

73. The computer was snowballed under with work.

74. The workload should be tailoring off.

75. The steel men are out on picket.

76. Off the top of your boiler.

77. You've got to live and learn with it.

78. On its own isolation

79. I wish them a Happy New Year every Christmas.

80. We all get tarred with the wild brush.

 

For No. 63 read "secondary" picketing

(one only our older trade unionists will remember, I fear)

 

Rid Skwerr, your mate is world class, no question about that. Personally, I'm salivating at the thought of 81-100. Must be worth publishing this list of sheer gems.

 

Mrs Jags has been giving me that 'WTF's the matter wi' you'? look over the past day or two as I've guffawed my way through this list.

[McKennan]

People who do not let you get off the Subway before you get on it. This isn't much of a problem on the trains I use daily, I don't use the buses often but it never seems to be much of a problem on them but every day on the Subway some ********* will try and squeeze past me as I get off.

 

 

The stench of the Subway Loyal as you get on the train at George's Cross or Kelvinbridge - it's a mixture of body odour, naff body sprays, Buckfast and canned lager.

[McKennan]

As above, mis-spelled shop signs do my head in, while stray commas and apostrophes are the worst of all.

Edited July 26, 2010 by McKennan

[McKennan]

People who pay by card at rush hour time on the Subway. No problem if it isn't busy, but not at 8.45am, causing a que to build up. With normally 2/3 of the machine ticket machines not working at Hillhead, makes it even more frustrating.

 

To echo something Steve Coogan once said, I stood behind a guy in a chippie on Dumbarton Road as the daft bugger wrote a cheque for two fish suppers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Rid Skwerr]

And tonight's gems from old Tony are -

 

81. A bit old in the tooth.

82. I went through it with a fine tooth pick.

83. I was right on my fighting horse.

84. I just told him my P's and Q's.

85. That's just pulling the wool over the bloody blindfold.

86. I'm sure you've heard it till the bells come home nowadays.

87. Two programmers have been put on yardsticks.

88. They'd be snapped up with golden arms.

89. For once my big man stuck up for his guns.

90. He should have been down with a ton of bricks.

91. There's no use going over the spilt water.

92. He was left sitting in the lurch.

93. They are always jumping into bed with sex nowadays.

94. There's too much bloody-well bad language on TV

95. They were bought just as a stop go.

96. My car is off the road, so I'm just humphing it today.

97. Must get down to brass roots.

98. At the whip of a hat.

99. It gets your goat worked up.

100. Knocking your guts out.

 

...only 450 to go......

[crazy davie]

And tonight's gems from old Tony are -

 

100. Knocking your guts out.

 

...only 450 to go......

 

They're all brilliant, but I especially loved this one.

[KAWB]

People who walk out of shops or doorways without looking whats coming in either direction. I enjoy standing on them.

 

People who talk on the street but block the whole pavement. Ignorant b@stards.

 

People who have their umbrellas up under cover. Don't blame me if I push it out of my way as well, I'm tall and your brolley is at my eye level smurf.

 

In fact, people. I Hate People. The Anti-Nowhere League were right.

 

Anyone that says 'innit' at the end of a sentence. Or 'naw whit a mean' constantly. Neds.

 

People who say 'ax' instead of 'ask'. "I axed him a question" - aaarrggghh. Get back to school.

 

In fact, neds and N-Dubz.

 

People on forums who pick up other people for typos. Who cares? Get a life tossers.

 

People who don't realise you can get a statement and cash from an autoteller without having to do two seperate transactions.

 

Breathe in...........

[Mediocre Pundit]

People who walk out of shops or doorways without looking whats coming in either direction. I enjoy standing on them.

How tall ARE you?

[crazy davie]

People on forums who pick up other people for typos. Who cares? Get a life tossers.

You really should have a comma between "life" and "tossers".

 

Happy to help.

[Rid Skwerr]

next batch.....

 

101. He was up on his hind horse.

102. Down on his hands and bended knee.

103. If there's one thing that stirs my back.

104. You've just hit it in a nutshell.

105. It's all highly laid out rules.

106. Hanging your washing out in public.

107. The only thing I got to eat was a cup of coffee.

108. How would you like to be brandished as a liar.

109. They don't know what side their card's buttered on.

110. If the crunch comes to the worst.

111. It's on the pipeline.

112. It gives you a fright to death.

113. Banking all your eggs.

114. It gets right up your wick.

115. The eating of the pudding.

116. The machine is always blocked and chalked in the mornings.

117. I was droobling down my chin.

118. Somebody will blow hot and cold and give them a bollocking

119. The computer room staff are running about swap packing.

120. He was doing his duster.

 

 

No 119 is a nice wee spoonerism he meant to say "pack swapping"

(it refers to the changing of hard-disk packs on the mainframe)

[McKennan]

You really should have a comma between "life" and "tossers".

 

Happy to help.

 

 

People who are better at pedantry than I am get right on my fecking clinkers.

[NZ Jag]

People who walk out of shops or doorways without looking whats coming in either direction. I enjoy standing on them........

 

 

Should be 'what's'.

 

Sorry, was feeling left out. Pedants of the World unite.

Edited July 29, 2010 by NZ Jag

[thechangingman]

not in the same league but two guys in work bantering one said " i'll slap you good looking" "it'll take more than you " was the reply!

[Rid Skwerr]

the next batch (tell me if this is getting boring )

 

121. The thing that crunches me.

122. The heart of the guts of the matter.

123. Keep it up your hat.

124. If the shoe fits one wears it.

125. Scottish supporters with their Lion Ramparts.

126. The whole shooting bag of tricks.

127. The right arm doesn't know what the left hand's doing.

128. The management are a shower of bamstocks.

129. He'd be down my throat like a ton of bricks.

130. When the mice is away the cat will play.

131. That's me reading between the lines and making five.

132. He was always running the roost.

133. He rules with an iron fist.

134. A wee goat beard

135. Peeling off timescales.

136. You're best going for the horse's mouth.

137. The rose is always redder at the other side of the fence from here

138. I'll believe that with a pinch of salt.

139. I'll make a bee-hive for the course.

140. The ice-cream was going like hot cakes.

[keithrock]

(tell me if this is getting boring )

 

This is not getting boring.

Edited July 31, 2010 by keithrock

[hamiltonjag]

Cyclists.

[Paris]

Every single time a Scottish club side plays in European competition, the know alls of scottish football say something along the lines of: "It's a tough game for ... tonight. The opposition are a good side, technically gifted, well organised and have a real presence about them". This is usually followed up by: "Because of the technical aspects of the opposition, team A will have to play with a bit of caution. They'll need to be cagey for the first 15/20 minutes and then start committing men forward"

 

No wonder every scottish side goes out so early when apparently we all do the same thing no matter who the oppositon are!!!

It could be a Scotland's greatest XI against a San Marinese Pub side and still the Craig Browns, Craig Patersons and Billy Dodds of the world would insist how "technically gifted and well organised" they were and that "caution" would be required. Argh.

 

This phrase

 

Closely followed by people, and especially football commentators who misuse the word "literally" - Jamie Redknapp is the worst.

 

"He was quite literally on fire today"

"He has literally left him for dead there"

[McKennan]

Pre-ordering. What the feck does that mean? You're either ordering or you're not. It takes many months to order a Rolls but they're never 'pre-ordered'.

 

Players signing 'new' contracts. Sign a new one. Really? Get the feck out of here, that's unheard of.

[Rid Skwerr]

Sunday night sample -

 

41. That's another thing that draws me round the bend.

142. A bigger round of the cherry.

143. He was digging his feet in.

144. A wee bird dropped something in my ear.

145. Throwing the cudgel.

146. We'll need to watch the lines for drawing them.

147. It's just a free-all.

148. They don't know where to draw a halt.

149. Ban the marricades.

150. He just flabbergasted his way through it.

151. He's up to his element.

152. Just give me a minute till I get this wrong.

153. It'll be a nine day wonder for two or three days.

154. I just fly off the end of the stick.

155. Burnt to ribbons.

156. We'll get a bit of grace up our sleeve too.

157. That's right up his sleeve.

158. Windscreen wipers blazing.

159. We can always find ways round these loopholes.

160. We were trying to chin them up.

[Jack Osbourne snr]

People that take 4 pages to add the word "cyclists" to a thread.

 

Volvo drivers (except me and the wife of course)

[Norman]

Impressionists (the kind that do impersonations, not the painters) who, every time they change voice, start with "As leader of the opposition, I'd just like to say ..." or, even worse, "Hello, [insert celebrity name] here".

If your impression isn't good enough that we can't tell who it's supposed to be, get off my television and don't come back until it is.

 

People who, when telling jokes, unnecessarily make themselves a part of it. e.g. "I was in the pub the other day and a horse walked in ...".

 

W@nkers who think it's funny to say "Good Evening, Ladies" every time they go into a room full of men. Sad Tossers!

[B.C.G. JAG]

Impressionists (the kind that do impersonations, not the painters) who, every time they change voice, start with "As leader of the opposition, I'd just like to say ..." or, even worse, "Hello, [insert celebrity name] here".

If your impression isn't good enough that we can't tell who it's supposed to be, get off my television and don't come back until it is.

 

People who, when telling jokes, unnecessarily make themselves a part of it. e.g. "I was in the pub the other day and a horse walked in ...".

 

W@nkers who think it's funny to say "Good Evening, Ladies" every time they go into a room full of men. Sad Tossers!

 

That WAS funny.

[Rid Skwerr]

Monday mentalness -

 

161. As long as they don't upcrease their prices.

162. He kicked the bloody bell, he didn't push it, he stood on it.

163. Breathing down your throat.

164. We'll just crack two birds with the one stone.

165. I'll be right down there with the hackles.

166. He's just a work alcoholic.

167. I was so mad, I just saw green.

168. I don't like ground coffee, I prefer instamatic myself.

169. He made a right codswallop of it.

170. It's all up on the ball.

171. Running about like a yo-yo after him.

172. It'll be over my bloody body.

173. I thought the writing was on the cards.

174. Uncle Tom Cobbley, cabin and all.

175. They're trying to feather their own cap.

176. Pin someone down to the wall.

177. Pushing the boats against other things.

178. Sitting on my laurels.

179. She's just cutting off her head.

180. That goes against my bloody grain.

[Paulo]

Sorry to forum user MerryHell, but -

 

Look at both the Everton and Arsenal away tops for true abortions of design.